Graham on twitter

I can be thankful to Twitter for at least one thing: helping me remember all the hilarious shit these kids say.  I mean, I just read through the last year or so of Graham’s tweets and it was funny all over again.  Good thing too, because there are moments when I reeeeeeally need to focus on something that doesn’t involve whining… or arguing… or whining… or fit-throwing… or whining…
Well, just check out what the world looks like during year 3:
  • I was gonna tell you… I want a lollipop.  I feel like I NEED one.
  • There’s an invisible alien in our yard. Every morning he robs a bank, and every night he goes to space and robs a bank full of stars.
  • If you have a big house, you NEED a chocolate chip cupboard.
  • I don’t like ants because they bite me and I can’t bite them back.
  • Can we re-name Dad “Chip”?
  • (annoyed) “I drew myself in this picture and I STILL didn’t turn into a cartoon.
  • “Do some worlds have nice suns and you don’t have to put on sunscreen?
  • Is water gas for humans?
  • MMMM!!! That was SO yummy I…  got angry.
  • If we make the world a better place, will the bank robbers give all the money back?
  • Let’s catch that grasshopper and put it in a glass. It can be our centerpiece.
  • (after being told we need to make the beds) “But we already HAVE beds! We don’t need to MAKE them!”
  • How does a turnip turn?
  • When Daddy had long hair, was he a girl?
  • (after being asked to close the door) “Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”
  • Oh I know. They call him Harold because he has hair.
  • Where IS Waldo? This is getting ridiculous.
  • What do you do when it’s “in the meantime” in your house?
  • (singing) …with a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of… pork.
  • All I want for Christmas is a big coffee mug.
  • Turn that music off. It’s driving me nuts.
  • My quiet farts mean I love you and my loud farts mean I don’t.
  • Did you get us at a baby shop?
  • (motioning to his bare feet) “But I already HAVE shoes on. See? They’re skin colored.”
  • There is something in this box that starts with the letter “candy”.
  • Don’t talk to any human you don’t know.
  • I wish I was nocturnal.
  • Why do I have eyelashes? I’m a BOY.
  • “Here,” (handing me air) “give these dog foods to the parrots. They’ll think it’s a castle.”
  • Why do people want babies and put them in bellies?
  • (after putting on my chapstick) “I wanted to be pretty like you! Pretty!”
  • I wonder what the moon is made of? (thoughtful pause) It’s made of the moon. I know that.
  • I’m getting a shade-burn!!!
  • (gleefully, while peeing) I can wave it back and forth!! Like a HOSE!!!
  • Once upon a time a farmer planted a pull-up & it grew into a pull-up tree. Then he picked a pull-up & realized it wasn’t edible. THE END
  • This banana tastes like rain.
  • (while playing blocks w/ Rob) “Hey! My tower is the most unique… because it falls down.”
  • Someone put too much salt in this ocean.
  • (after hurting his foot) Mommy, I need a pillow to scream into.
  • (after missing the toilet a bit) Quick! We need to get a sign that says “Wet Floor”!!
  • Yes, I wiped my butt… it didn’t go well.
  • I’m out of control! …. I like out of control.
  • I love my butt to be naked.
  • (after I asked him why he wanted to look in the mirror) “Because I’m GORGEOUS!”
  • What are people made of?
  • I want a big, big, big boat with a kitchen, lots of beds, and umm umm umm…. a play area.
  • (drinking lemonade) It’s a bit on the sour side. I’ll drink the other side.”


2 responses to “Graham on twitter”

  1. Mom

    You are so blessed.

  2. Mother-in-law

    Hilarious, brilliant and amazing. Nana will love these. We are ALL so blessed.

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