gross and grosser

We’re just inching out from under 3 solid weeks of illness in this house.  And for the first time in years, the hardest hit has been me.  This is what I get for secretly thinking I’m uber-healthy and have a super-hero immune system: karma bitch-slaps me and then kicks me in the stomach.

So rather than go on at great length about fevers that lasted weeks, the extent to which our house was covered in vomit, how long I slept on the bathroom floor or how much TV we’ve watched, I’ll just report on a different kind of gross.  Namely, how my kids are maiming themselves recently.

Setting: The week before Christmas.  Graham running around naked, as usual, while I cook dinner.  Suddenly, I hear that scream. You know the kind I mean; the one that makes you drop the spatula and run from the kitchen without turning off the burner.  Sure enough, I see Graham naked and crouching at the end of the hallway struggling to hold onto two pointy metal wall hangings.  I grab the wall hangings and scoop him up, checking for injury…. and realize he’s crying blood.  Yes, my little two-year-old looked like some ghoulish vampire baby.  I could see a cut under his lower eyelid and instantly assumed he’d stabbed through to his eyeball.  “Graham, can you see me?  Can you see?” I ask frantically while rushing him to the door.  “NOOOOO!!!!” he wails.  “Violet, get your shoes on and get in the car. NOW.” And for the first time in her life, she actually did it without protest.

So I arrive at the ER clinic with a screaming naked toddler, wrapped in a coat, bleeding from the eye.  And yes, we get the same doctor who treated Graham for his broken arm a few months earlier.  CPS anyone?

Turns out the wound was superficial.  But when I think he was mere millimeters from becoming cyclops-boy, I shudder.  He escaped with only a cool shiner.  And a burned dinner.

As far as Violet goes, despite her daredevil nature, she has remained relatively injury-free throughout her life.  I can only speculate that she is either graceful, or without an older sibling who may (accidentally) break her bones.  So it was quite a shock to her when she ripped off her toenail.

Setting:  Boxing day.  I’m out front helping to dismantle our old playground and carrying on 3 separate conversations.  Graham is running away down the sidewalk.  But Violet’s shriek interrupts all of that.  By the time I get to her, she is on the floor, hyperventilating and grabbing her foot.  She’d opened the door on her toe. It’s pretty clear the toenail isn’t hanging on by much.

Flashback:  I’m about 8 years old.  My brother and I were watching TV when we heard our dad kicking the garage door frantically.  Odd, I thought.  Why doesn’t he just turn the doorknob?  I eventually opened the door and my dad rushed past, cradling his bloody hand.  He’d ripped a fingernail clean off while working on the car.  That’s the kind of image that gets burned into a kid’s memory.

Luckily my dad just happened to be visiting for Christmas, as Rob and I have no personal experience with nail ripping.  Plus he was obviously less affected by Violet’s hysterics than me.  I remained calm, but may not have been able to lift up her nail to see exactly how much of it was still attached, which my dad did.  “Yep.  It’s almost completely off,” he reported nonchalantly.  To which Violet screamed with renewed vigor.

Most importantly, we avoided yet another trip to the emergency clinic.  According to my dad, in this case the doctor would most likely give Violet a numbing shot between the toes in order to remove the dangling nail.  The shot hurts more than the initial injury.  So we decided on the wait-and-see approach.

Wait… See Violet stop crying and completely forget about it in about 30 minutes?  See her running around on the beach a week later, getting sand under the nail without a care, losing the nail and never noticing?  Cool.  Plus the tiny new nail is cute.  Well, at least I think so.  Much cuter than puke.

5 responses to “gross and grosser”

  1. Mom/Granny

    You’ve definitely been tested these last 3 weeks!! Bless your hearts!!

  2. Leah

    I like the title 😉 but where is the grossers?

  3. Melissa

    Wow. Just wow. You deserve a spa day.

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