I’m currently reading “Inconsolable: How I Threw my Mental Health Out With the Diapers” by Marrit Ingman, who happens to be an Austin Mama. She writes about her post partum depression and her baby’s allergies, both of which were so serious it’s amazing she managed to write something funny. But not ha-ha funny. More like gouge-your-eyes-out funny. And I can relate.

I was very interested to find her blog, which she has kept up since her kid was born 4 years ago. I’ve read through the first year or so… the bad year. But although the stories are the same as in the book, the blog seems several degrees more chipper. Which makes me wonder, which one is more true to life? I suspect the book. And this is why: Just about every mom-blog I read is sweet and glowing and stuffed with cute stories about their perfect genius children. I do the same thing. And of course it’s “true”, but that’s not all there is. There’s also a lot of horrible shit: days you suspect your child is possessed, days you want to run screaming from the house, days you think your adult relationships will never survive, days you think your mother tricked you into believing children are wonderful, days you never ever ever want to look at a bottle, board book or boppy again. Yeah, there are the major “you’ll look back on this and laaaaaugh” traumas. But there are also the little niggling frustrations that add up, week after week, until you feel like a horrible person for seriously wanting to quit this parenting job. Those are the worst.
Honestly, if I hadn’t managed to find myself a mama-posse, I would be in a nut-house. And so would Rob. When we mamas are together we can talk about the hard times, without necessarily having to boil it down to a witty post on a blog. Because, although we probably will look back on this and laugh, while we’re living through the hard times, it’s not so ha-ha funny.

14 responses to “Inconsolable”

  1. Granny

    …but children are wonderful…and you are doing a spectacular job as Violet’s Mama!

  2. Kristen

    Had I started my blog when Drew was born, it would’ve been filled with sob stories. After six weeks…or six months… of torturous days, life really is blissful now. I don’t deny there are bad moments, but not truly bad days like there once was. Thank goodness for that! And thank goodness for new mommy groups that have kept us sane!

  3. Dad aka Apa

    Granny is right, children are wonderful and you ARE doing a marvelous job but, in the “fog of war” it’s hard to keep those things in mind. As Grandaddy always said “It’s hard to remember the job was to drain the swamp when you’re up to your ass in aligators!” So, step back once in a while and aprreciate what you have accomplished. That’s an order! Don’t make me come down there young lady…

  4. Dad aka Apa

    Did I just call your sweet, darling, adorable Violet (and my almost perfect grandaughter) an alligator?

  5. Nancy

    Amen, sister! I am so glad that I know you. I have so many frustrating days and if it weren’t for all the mamas I’ve met this year, I’d think that something was wrong with me.

  6. Marrit

    Short answer: My in-laws read my blog.

  7. Marrit

    You have a friend named Merritt, though, and that’s pretty cool. Does she work at Half-Price?

  8. Marrit

    Not really.

  9. Pretty Darn Inconsolable Myself

    I am typing this with tears running down my broken out cheeks and want to thank you. Please keep posting. I have a 9 month old and a 4 year old. I think the little one wants me dead (I am now calling her baby Stewy). I really really want to run away from home, and then I feel guilty for even thinking that for one moment. I found a few other posts with similar sentiments and the comments echo my own guilt “I wish I had four beautiful children,” “just take a deep breath and it will get better.” Will the universe smite (smote?) me for daring to wish my children away (just til some sanity returns). I don’t have a mommy group and I just know if I find one they will send the Department of Children and Families to my house.

  10. Cheris

    Get a mama group ASAP. It saved my life… really. I don’t know if you’re in Austin, but is how I found my sanity.
    Oh, and read Marrit”s book. You’re not alone.

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