hi, idea

Setting: The week before Christmas.  Graham running around naked, as usual, while I cook dinner.  Suddenly, I hear that scream. You know the kind I mean; the one that makes you drop the spatula and run from the kitchen without turning off the burner.  Sure enough, I see Graham naked and crouching at the end of the hallway struggling to hold onto two pointy metal wall hangings.  I grab the wall hangings and scoop him up, checking for injury…. and realize he’s crying blood.  Yes, my little two-year-old looked like some ghoulish vampire baby.  I could see a cut under his lower eyelid and instantly assumed he’d stabbed through to his eyeball.  ”Graham, can you see me?  Can you see?” I ask frantically while rushing him to the door.  ”NOOOOO!!!!” he wails.  ”Violet, get your shoes on and get in the car. NOW.” And for the first time in her life, she actually did it without protest.

So I arrive at the ER clinic with a screaming naked toddler, wrapped in a coat, bleeding from the eye.  And yes, we get the same doctor who treated Graham for his broken arm a few months earlier.  CPS anyone?

Turns out the wound was superficial.  But when I think he was mere millimeters from becoming cyclops-boy, I shudder.  He escaped with only a cool shiner.  And a burned dinner.

As far as Violet goes, despite her daredevil nature, she has remained relatively injury-free throughout her life.  I can only speculate that she is either graceful, or without an older sibling who may (accidentally) break her bones.  So it was quite a shock to her when she ripped off her toenail.

Setting:  Boxing day.  I’m out front helping to dismantle our old playground and carrying on 3 separate conversations.  Graham is running away down the sidewalk.  But Violet’s shriek interrupts all of that.  By the time I get to her, she is on the floor, hyperventilating and grabbing her foot.  She’d opened the door on her toe. It’s pretty clear the toenail isn’t hanging on by much.

Flashback:  I’m about 8 years old.  My brother and I were watching TV when we heard our dad kicking the garage door frantically.  Odd, I thought.  Why doesn’t he just turn the doorknob?  I eventually opened the door and my dad rushed past, cradling his bloody hand.  He’d ripped a fingernail clean off while working on the car.  That’s the kind of image that gets burned into a kid’s memory.

Luckily my dad just happened to be visiting for Christmas, as Rob and I have no personal experience with nail ripping.  Plus he was obviously less affected by Violet’s hysterics than me.  I remained calm, but may not have been able to lift up her nail to see exactly how much of it was still attached, which my dad did.  ”Yep.  It’s almost completely off,” he reported nonchalantly.  To which Violet screamed with renewed vigor.

Most importantly, we avoided yet another trip to the emergency clinic.  According to my dad, in this case the doctor would most likely give Violet a numbing shot between the toes in order to remove the dangling nail.  The shot hurts more than the initial injury.  So we decided on the wait-and-see approach.

Wait… See Violet stop crying and completely forget about it in about 30 minutes?  See her running around on the beach a week later, getting sand under the nail without a care, losing the nail and never noticing?  Cool.  Plus the tiny new nail is cute.  Well, at least I think so.  Much cuter than puke.

• Mommy, I’m scared of my strong emotions.
• If you walk up to Santa and say “hi”, he will throw dirt at you.
• VIOLET! YOU’RE MESSING UP MY MESS!!
• Look! An airplane… IT’S DRAWING IN THE SKY!!!
• Do bees have tongues?
• You’re the best mommy I ever seen.
• I had an accident in my underwear. I’m not proud.
• Can I EAT the frost?
• Violet, remember, this is a game for kids. NO grown-ups. Don’t forget. It’s very important.
• “Do you know what it’s great to have? A mommy.”
• “How do you say ‘Graham’ in Spanish?”
• Mommy, can I eat the clouds?
• Mommy, where were you? I had a booger in my nose. Let me show you where it is now.
• (singing) Mommy killed the radio star, Mommy killed the radio star…
• Mom, can I have more yogurt? (pause) To put in my mouth?
• You’re not a mother, you’re a mommy.
• Violet, you’re the best Violet in the world.
• (regarding his cast finally coming off) “Now I can pull my own pants down!”
• Fly Hopter-Copter! Fly!
• You’re smart. Mommy, you’re very very very very smart.
• Don’t. Help. Me. EVER AGAIN.
• (holding out his hand after crying fit) Here mommy, here’s a tear.
• Trees are NOT broccoli.
• to his apple slice, “You’re quite beautiful.”
• Bears don’t eat spicy bananas!
• Look what I have on! A ring! Now I’m a person!
• Hey Kitty, I want to tell you something… Chicken Butt!!!
• Time to brush teeth and go to bed? How can that be??
• I’m naked!! I’m freeeeee!!
• about his cherry-limeade,”I like it! Really spicy and really… drinky!”
• There’s no more dinosaurs. They’re ’stink’.
• Goodnight dear Violet.
• Your hair looks gorgeous!
• (after I told him I love him) “Yeah. I love me.”
• Mommy, change your clothes. They smell bad.
• I CAN’T need a diaper change.
• while patting Violet, “Awww… sweet girl.”
• Oh No! Daddy’s singing!
• G-R-A-H-A-M spells…uuuuum… wall !!