I can’t really fathom what a huge change this is going to make in my life.  Aside from two mornings a week, I’ve had Violet home with me for five years.  Five and a half.  That’s a long time to keep a tiny maniac from completing her plans of world domination.  Yes I’ll still be at home with Graham, but that is another story entirely.  I must say I am really looking forward to spending time with him.  He has been competing for attention since the day he was born and I’d love to see him relax and know he doesn’t have to try so hard.  I want to make cookies, do art projects, garden, with just him.  These are things I do with both kids, but generally Violet has to star in the show.

Which is why I am not worried about how she will do in school; even with the dual-language. I mean, in some ways I feel like I should warn her teachers, but I’d hate to give them preconceived notions.  Example: During swim lessons this summer the teen-aged instructor finally got fed up with Violet and another girl giggling and inching away from class.  They got sent into Time Out.  The girl burst into tears.  Violet looked at her with an expression of extreme surprise and said, “What are you crying for?  It just Time Out!”  I really hope her kindergarten teachers know how to channel that energy rather than sending her to endless exhile.  Her other “schools” never seemed to be able to do that.

I’ll admit it; when I was little, I was the kid who cried when disciplined. My personality is so opposite Violet’s that I often think she is some kind of alien child; like that dream I had when I was pregnant with her actually came true.   It’s clear I subconsciously assumed that if I had a girl she would be a mini-me; that I would always be able to relate to her and, thus, be better able to help her.  The truth is, although she looks more like me each day, she is a mini-Rob: outgoing, talkative, creative, high-energy, a leader, a performer, impossibly smart.  I don’t know what advice I could possibly offer to that kind of kid.  And will I understand her less and less the more she is gone?

We’re going to miss her.  She and Graham have decided they want to be twins so they can be together all day.  I just wish I could be a fly on the wall while she navigates through this next step.  I don’t want to rescue her, I just want to watch.  That would be the best reality TV show ever.

While we were on Long Island we went to visit Nana at the Arbors Assisted Living.  Bringing children to a nursing home is like bringing a cake to a Weight Watchers meeting.  The old folks gathered around, looking like they wanted to reach out and pet the kids, inhale them, eat them up.  Nana, filled with anxiety over this, would loudly proclaim to anyone creeping near, “OKAY, SEE YOU LATER. LATER! I’M TRYING TO TALK TO MY FAMILY.  GOOD-BYE! GO TO THE TV ROOM!! NOW!!”  She used her walker to block anyone’s access to the kids.  At one point I thought she would pick it up and  beat back an old lady who was stretching her hand toward Graham’s hair.  Another elderly woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Enjoy the children now.  It goes so fast.”

This is something I’ve heard so many times it makes me cringe.   Of course I know that.  But it’s hard to fathom when lack of sleep doubles the length of your days, or when tantrums last several hours, or when food you’ve spent too much time preparing gets refused, or when any request turns into an argument, or when any errand is a mammoth effort of logistics.  These have been the slowest quickest years of my life.

But I’m finally starting to really feel the passage of time.  This has a lot to do with more sleep, fewer tantrums, kids who sometimes listen to reason and occasionally put on their clothes and get in the car without major drama.  I first noticed it in February: The Month of Sick.  It’s amazing how losing 1/12th of the year can make time feel slippery.  March through May always speeds by in Austin because the weather is so amazing and the town is buzzing with festivals and hiking and weekends packed with fun.  Soon it was June.  The rest of the summer has been non-stop visits from family and friends as well as travel to  Buffalo, the beach, Long Island and Oregon.  Time has been condensed because we’re working around a new schedule: Kindergarten.

It starts ridiculously early here in Texas.  On August 23rd Violet will be gone from 7:15-2:45.  And every day after that.  Then time really will fly.  I’m trying to slow it down.  But I’m not really sure if it’s possible to “enjoy the children” enough.  Or how.  No one has told me that part yet.

So, I was going to do a whole long post about the World Cup, because this time we’ve got a kid playing soccer. And really, I only watch sports about once every four years, give or take Wimbledon.

But then I realized I’ve already done that. It’s still apt.  So I’ll save myself the effort. Check it out.  The last line just blows my mind.

Most likely it will be something totally random and innocuous. My first memory is standing by my brother’s high chair looking at our shag carpet. I must have been about three.

How about you? What was your first memory? How old were you? It’s been awfully quiet out there, so I thought I’d ask.

VIOLET:  Mom, when is dinner?

ME:  Dinner was two hours ago and you didn’t eat it.  That’s it.

V:  But Mom!  I’m hungry!  I want dinner!

M:  I guess you missed your chance to eat dinner.  I’m not making you another one.

V (furiously):  If you don’t make me something to eat, I’m going to EAT YOU!!

GRAHAM (panicked):  No!!! Don’t eat Mommy!

V (still furious):  Graham, if you don’t let me eat Mommy, I’m going to EAT YOU TOO!

G (still panicked):  Nooo!  Don’t eat me!

V (soothing):  Graham, I won’t eat you if you let me eat Mommy.  Okay?

G: NOO!!!

V: Okay?

G:  No.

V: Okay?

G: NO!

Car and argument continue down the road. Dinner is not mentioned again.

Maybe it’s just that Violet seemed so huge when we brought him home…that when she saw him for the first time she gasped and demanded gleefully, “I want hold him!”…  that she seemed so sure of her role as big sister…. that  she has always insisted on not being treated as a baby, even when she was one.

And maybe it’s that if I brought a new baby home today, Graham would scream in his room for about an hour, then say something linguistically astounding like: “Is it okay if I hold him? He’s our new baby. Violet is older than me, but I’m older than him. I think he needs a diaper change.” Or that Graham has always insisted on being treated as the baby, even when he wants to be a big boy.

What I can explain is that I have two equally amazing and challenging kids in two completely different ways. Pretty dang cool.

Father’s Day.  Awesome.  Not surprisingly, Graham had no trouble taking his first ever nap alone in his big-boy bed.

2nd night: Asleep by 9pm instead of 10.  Graham woke up screaming at 2:30am  This was my biggest fear.  How would Violet react to Graham’s scream-for-20-minutes-before-sleeping-MO?  So I tip-toed to the door and heard Violet,”What’s wrong Graham?” “I scared.”  “Did you have a bad dream?”  “Yeah.”  “It’s okay.  It’s still night, so you can go to sleep again.”  “Okay, goodnight.”   WHAA???  Okay, so they actually chatted for 45 minutes and then fell asleep.  But still.  No mommy involvement needed?  Rock on!

3rd night: 10 million trips to the bathroom.  Slept 9 to 6.  (Instead of their usual 8-7)  Graham took a 5 hour nap.

4th night: More of the same.  We removed the rocking chair for good (sigh… wipe tear).  Violet actually took a nap.

5th night: Tried to put them to bed an hour earlier.  They still stayed up until 9.  Woke up at 6:30.

6th night: They ripped the coat rack off the wall.  Slept 9 to 6:15.

7th night: The bickering turned into fighting.  Screaming.  Crying.  We threatened to separate them.  They didn’t seem to like that idea.

8th night: After a warning to stop the fighting, we pulled the plug.  Violet slept in the playroom.  They wailed like we were removing their limbs, then fell asleep in 5 minutes… and slept until 8 a.m.!

9th night: Moved their beds 3 feet apart.  Put bed rail on Graham’s.  Slept 9-6:30.

10th night: Excuses for coming out of the room:  1) pee 2) water 3) owie 4) Graham farted

11th night: fight fight fight fight… slumber party over.  Violet woke up at 4:30 a.m., crawled into bed with Graham, got uncomfortable, tried to leave, “Violet, stay with me a little longer.”  “Okay Graham” snuggled with him for a bit then asked him if it was okay to leave.  He let her.  No parental involvement needed.  Okay.  Cool.

12th night: Slept 9-6

13th night: Slept 9-6

14th night: asleep by 8:30!  Slept until 7! Is the two week mark really the turn-around point?  Could this be getting better?

15th night: NOT getting better.  pee, fight, change diaper, sing, fight, sleep 9-6:30

16th night: they pulled the sheets off Violet’s bed and knocked the mattress half off the box-spring in order to make a slide.  Slumber party OVER.

17th night: Begged me to let them sleep in separate rooms.  BEGGED ME.

Isn’t this supposed to be working by now?  Everyone is exhausted.  Exhausted!!  WHEN IS IT GOING TO START WORKING?

We may be very screwed.

Violet gave herself a haircut.  In fact, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner, actually.

Snipping the hair off all her toys is just about the only activity that will keep her occupied for longer than 10 minutes.  So I’m all for it.  I walked out onto the porch last Sunday where she had been trimming the stuffed kiwi bird and discovered her holding this in one hand…

…scissors in the other and looking at me with a mix of fear and excitement.   “I wanted to have hair like yours!”

Well.  Geez.  She SO knows how to play us.

I’m just happy she didn’t do this to herself:

Off to the salon.  No barber shop this time. And NO LOLLIPOP.

It does look awfully cute.

The scissors are now hidden.

The Reason: Trip to New York in July.  Trip to Oregon in August.  They’ll be sharing a room.  Graham’s too big for the portable crib.

What we’ve done so far: (will the end result be blissfully rested ready-to-travel children and parents?  Or screaming messes?  Stay tuned for the exciting ending…)

Step 1:  Weekend slumber parties.  Some failed.  Most were “successful” in that grouchy-tired-and-screamy-for-the-next-24-hours kind of way that happens when kids fall asleep at 9:30 and wake up at 6:00.

Step 2:  Got the big boy bed and brand-new fantastic star sheets (way to choose cool bedding little dude!)

Step 3:  Put the bed in his room for a week (tried not to worry it was only used for jumping)

Step 4:  Sent children to Granny’s house all day (thanks Granny! ).  Tore apart both kids rooms and the garage (100 degree heat).  Broke down crib (shed a few tears).  Reassembled Graham’s room into The Bedroom: and Violet’s room into The Playroom:

Step 5:  Went out for ice cream.  Thought about all the ways in which this scheme could fail spectacularly.

Step 6:  Welcomed kids home.  Graham was wailing, having been woken from his car-nap.  He wandered into his room, flipped out at the change, screamed and hid in the my closet, shrieking, for 30 minutes.  (a good snuggle while watching a “Goodnight Gorilla” then dinner and he was okay).  Violet was thrilled about the new set-up.

Step 7:  Tucked them in.  Held our breath.  The screaming stopped quickly and the bouncing on the bed began.

Step 8:  Changed diaper.  Repeated Step 7.

Step 9:  Violet ran out to pee twice and asked for water once.  Graham stayed in bed.  (Whaaaa???)

Step 10:  Now we’re listening to them in the monitor.  They’re laughing, discussing sleep and how mean we are that we’re not giving them any more water…. It’s all quiet now… will it last…?

To Be Continued….

I tried live-blogging the whole thing, but there was too much screaming and talking and opening of doors and running amok.  So here’s an encapsulated version:

8:00  lights out. Graham screams.  And screams.  And screams.

8:10  Violet comes out:  Mom!  Graham is screaming!

We explain that she can call off the slumber party, but she insists on giving it a try.  Graham continues screaming.

8:30  I relent and read them both a few more books.

8:45  lights out.  Graham screams.  And screams.  And screams.

9:00  Violet comes out several times.  We discuss the strategy of chatting to Graham and NOT talking about Mommy.

9:10  Graham finally stops crying.  Violet comes out to tell us that Graham stopped crying.  Graham starts crying all over again.  We give Violet one more chance to make it work, which includes a promise to stay in the room.  She agrees.

Graham still has the baby monitor so, for our Friday night entertainment, we sat and listened to their conversation.  Here is a bit:

V:  Do you want Mommy?

G: Yeah!  Go tell Mommy I stop crying.

V:  Okay, but Mommy said I can’t do that.  I’ll tell her in the morning.  Okay?

G:  Okay.

V:  Graham, do you want a pillow?  It’s makes your head feel very good.

G:  No.

V:  Do you want a blanket?

G:  No.

V:  When you’re a big kid like me, you’ll have a pillow and a blanket and then we can sleep in the same bed!

G:  YEAH!

V:  I can’t believe I’m sleeping in your room!  It’s so exciting!  I’ve always wanted to have a slumber party!

(20 minutes of excited jabbering and lights turning on and off)

G:  What your favorite color Lala (Violet)?

V:  I like all the colors.  Do you?

G:  Yeah.  I like blue.

V:  You like all the colors, but your favorite is blue?  My blanket is blue.

G:  My Nunu (his lovey) is black.

V:  No it’s not.  It’s white.

G:  No, it’s black.

V:  Are you just pretending?  Okay.  It’s black.

G:  Yeah.

V:  What are you scared of?  Monsters?  Monsters died a long time ago, so you don’t have to be scared of them.  Just dream about something else.  Dream about Mommy.

G: No!

V:  What do you want to dream about?

G:  Ummm… milk!

V: Okay!  Now go to sleep.  Dream about milk.

G:  Lala!  Guess what!  Monkey Gym!

V:  Yes, you’re going to play at Monkey Gym.  But that’s not until tomorrow.

G:  Lala!  I’m tired.

V: That’s good.  Now go to bed.  Good night.

G: Lala guess what?  NEWSPAPER!!  (laughs hysterically and talks about newspapers for 15 minutes)

V:  (silence)

9:45  G:  Good night.

G:  (5 minutes later)  Violet sing.  Sing sing sing.  (laughing)

This would have been perfect except that they woke up at 6:15 a.m. And they want to do it again tonight.

Sigh.