Case in point (written when Graham was sick):

Translation:

“My Wish List

• rock climbing class
• Jump camp
• violin class
• Graham to get better”

*When they’re not trying to kill each other.

Okay, I don’t mean “Yay! My kid is sick!”  Of course I hate to see them suffer.  And I don’t love the sleepless nights and rivers of snot and feeling like every surface will be covered in germs forever.

But there is something sweet about sick days.  No to-do lists, no gym, no errands, no chores, no TV rules.  Toast for dinner.   The only thing that needs to be done is to help a little body feel better while it fights off the Yuck.  And that duty mostly amounts to making tea and snuggling on the couch while watching loads of TV.

This sweetness does have an expiration date.  After about 2 days the novelty wears off and we all start to get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  So I’m hoping for a sudden miraculous recovery tomorrow, and praying this particular illness passes over the rest of the household.

That is how I would like to remember what really happened this afternoon, instead of the feral girl shrieking and cowering in the corner of the CVS Minute Clinic while an RN approached her with a dripping needle.  My plan to have Graham go first (so Violet could witness his bravery) utterly failed.  His scream sent her already nervous brain straight into Lizard Mode.  It didn’t matter that he was happily explaining that “it didn’t hurt for long!” just 30 seconds after the shot.  She was already out of her head.  I had to drag that 53 pound coiled spring of muscle and flailing limbs from the corner into ten minutes of battle in which she screamed so hysterically the poor CVS customers briefly paused in their impulse shopping to consider dialing 911 .

(This is the part where I sit on her.) When the actual shot finally occurred, I heard tell that her shriek shattered glass as far as the Capitol building.

The nurse was completely unruffled, until I burst into tears, at which point she frantically searched for a tissue while awkwardly patting me on the shoulder.

Of course I immediately took them out for Starbucks cocoa with a mountain of whipped cream.  And of course it took 20 minutes to make.   And they gave us only one cup.  And the second cup took 20 minutes.  And when I finally set the long awaited treat on the table, of course I spilled the entire cup of steaming liquid down Violet’s front. So I took a moment to contemplate my gratitude for…

Okay, no.  First I checked her to see if her skin was still attached.  It was.  She was just screaming because she was pissed her mother made her get a shot and then she had to wait forever for her freakin hot cocoa only to have her mother spill the entire cup on her.

But!  Every customer and employee in the place raced to get me napkins and extra cocoa and check on Violet.  And I was grateful.  I’m grateful we can get painful shots.  I’m grateful Rob’s job has benefits.  And I’m grateful that, despite the screwed up insurance situation in this country, we have incredible doctors and scientists and medicine that will likely keep me from suffering in a haze of snot and fever this year.

I’ll also be grateful if Violet doesn’t remember this particular episode.

It rained again today.  All.  Day.  Cool and drizzly.  It was wonderful.  We’ve had maybe 3 inches so far this year?  Not enough for this Northwest girl.  The drought has made me feel like I’ve been strapped to The Machine for the past two years.  So I’ll enjoy every little drop we get.

This morning Graham and I walked around the neighborhood for an hour in our winter coats.  (I haven’t bought rain coats for fear of further  jinxing us.)

We tasted rain and saved worms and stomped in puddles and drank cocoa.

I could get used to this.

GRAHAM: Mommy, I’ve never seen you cry before.

CHERIS: Oh, everyone cries sometimes.  I just cried a little on the way to pick you up because I heard a sad song on the radio.

G: Why was it sad?

C: It was about two people who loved each other but couldn’t stay together.

G: Why couldn’t they stay together?

C:  They weren’t good for each other.

G: Why weren’t they good for each other?

C: They were selfish and didn’t treat each other nicely.  So they weren’t happy together.

G: Why didn’t they treat each other nicely?

C: Ummm… maybe their parents didn’t teach them how.

G:  Why didn’t their parents teach them how?

C:  Maybe they didn’t know how to do it.

G: Why didn’t they know how to do it?

C:  Probably because their parents didn’t know how to do it.

G:  Why didn’t their parents know how to do it?

C: (sigh) Society.

G: What’s society?

C:  Um… all the people, and how they behave together.

Long silence.

G: (quietly) Mommy?  Will you teach me how to do that?

C: What?

G:  Umm… how to be… uhh… so I can…ummm… I don’t know how to say it…

C:  You want to know how to treat people nicely?  So you won’t be sad like in the song?

G: Yeah.

I always hoped Violet and Graham would be as close as I was growing up with my little brother.  We were 18 months apart and inseparable.  Violet and Graham are 26 months apart (which is close enough for me).  These days they are completely crazy about each other… when they’re not making each other crazy.  But mostly they just play and play and play.  My plan is finally finally working out; and it only took six and a half years!

Here are Graham’s tweets about Violet over the past year or so:

• But Violet, you’re the luckiest person in the world because you have the best brother.
• Violet, sometimes I need some time alone from you. But I still love you. How could I not love you?
• Violet! Wait! I have to put my stinkin’ flip-flop on!
• Violet, I was missing you ALL day.
• Violet, I can’t be without you.
• I’m big, but Violet says I’m three… and three is not a big number.
• Violet, how many Time Outs did you have today?
• I wish Violet was my twin so she could stay home with me.
• Hey Violet! Wanna go to the cheap rhinoceros store?
• (chanting) Violet the Incredible, not quite edible!

I know I can’t expect them to be friends as adults, like my brother and I.  But I really hope they will.  I mean, we’re spending their inheritance, so they’ll need each other.

Graham decided to illustrate this point on the Fourth of July.  We were having a family BBQ and pool party on Long Island.  The kids were wearing their tubes. I was eating my burger, watching them play a game called Climb on the Floating Lounge Chair and Fall Off.  Probably not surprisingly, Graham went overboard head first.  Because he had the tube around his waist, he couldn’t right himself.  He was stuck upside down under water.  Violet and the 8-year-old they were playing with  just stared at his flailing feet.  I threw my burger down and flung myself to the edge of the pool (a whole yard away).  Almost immediately I realized I couldn’t reach him.  So I dove gracefully into the water flopped into the water, my skirt flipping up in the process.  After about 20 years I was able to grab Graham and haul him out.  He coughed and started to cry.  We stood there, shivering, everyone at the party staring in shocked silence.

“That was my lesson!” Graham said when he was finally able to speak.  I’m not exactly sure what his lesson was… maybe don’t play Climb on the Floating Lounge Chair?  But I know what my lesson was: Don’t Look Away. Not even for a minute.  Not even with other swimmers nearby.   He went under so quickly and quietly.  Violet and her friend had no idea that he was in trouble.    What if, instead of watching them, I’d been chatting, or grabbing a drink or… ?  I don’t want to think about it.  I’ve not been as vigilant as I could’ve been in the past.  This was a wake-up call.

Swim lessons are scheduled for next week.  Life-savers for professional use only.

And thanks to Aunt Kathy for loaning me dry clothes.

A week after school got out, Rob came home to find the TV in the middle of the living room floor.  That was as far as I could drag it after I flipped out on the kids and ripped the thing off the wall.  (Okay, I carefully unplugged it.)

Before summer started we had a family meeting.  We agreed on a few ground rules:

1. I get to go to the gym every week day.
2. We all have daily “separation time”.
3. Each kid gets to pick 1 show per day.
4. No whining about the above rules.
5. I take them to do fun things all summer.

I somehow assumed that once we agreed on these rules, that would be the end of it.

Really? Why did I think that?  What, in my experience with kids, made me assume they would be rational?

So everyday it was: “Gym? Noooo!  Play in my room? Nooooo!  I don’t want to watch what he/she picked!! I want to watch another one!!! One more! ONE MORE!!!!”  Until I found myself lugging the TV across the living room.

Now, I am not a TV Nazi.  I think, like anything, it can be a very useful tool in moderation.  During the school year the kids got to watch a 1/2 hour to unwind after pick-up and a 1/2 hour while I cooked dinner.  The truth is, for the first 4 years of her life Violet  would have nothing to do with TV.  I can’t count the times I was sick and begging her to just watch the flippin TV so I could rest.  No.  She only wanted to run around and climb on me.  Graham, on the other hand, would happily sit in front of the idiot box all day.  (It’s very tempting for me.  This house would spotless, every meal a work of art, and my to-do list crushed.)

So after my irrational proclamation that they were “NOT GOING TO WATCH TV ALL SUMMER!!!”, reality hit.  What have I gotten myself into?  Well, it’s been two weeks.  They’ve (mostly) stopped asking to watch TV.  Instead they beg to use the computer/iPod.  And I let them.  For a bit.  After all, they only really know how to go to PBS kids and a reading website.  Of course, the first time I went to shower while they played on the computer I came out to discover they figured out how to watch PBS cartoons online.  Sigh.  So we’re working on some guidelines for computer time.  At least it’s a little more active than laying coma-like in front of the tube.

And that is not to say they don’t watch any TV.  It’s always on at the gym Kids’ Club.  And when we visit the grandparents this summer I’m going to let them gorge themselves on Nickelodeon.  Plus we have family movie night every so often.

I’m not trying to be all snooty and crunchier-than-thou about TV, I’m just experimenting.  Is it possible my kids will learn to use their imaginations more?  Will they figure out how to stop constantly fighting?  Or will they spend all summer in time-out while I cower under the kitchen table babbling incoherently?  Bet you can’t wait to find out.

• (After being asked to pick something up) “But it’s not Mother’s Day anymore!”
• “You’re the best mommy. I even love you.”
• (after I said I wanted him to put his socks on) “Mommy, you don’t always get what you want.”
• “Mommy, are you a little stressed?”
• “Mom found this penny for me. She has her uses.”
• “Mom, I’ll eat what you make. But you HAVE to make something I like.”
• “I couldn’t make it to the potty this morning and I said, ‘Mom’s not going to be happy about this.’ That’s what I said.”
• “Mom, you’re a FAILURE!”
• “Mommy, you’re not Mr. Cool.”
• “Mommy doesn’t have to go to jail. She’s not the evil sandwich-making guy.”
• “Mommy, I love it when you’re around.”