I can be thankful to Twitter for at least one thing: helping me remember all the hilarious shit these kids say. I mean, I just read through the last year or so of Graham’s tweets and it was funny all over again. Good thing too, because there are moments when I reeeeeeally need to focus on something that doesn’t involve whining… or arguing… or whining… or fit-throwing… or whining…
Well, just check out what the world looks like during year 3:
- I was gonna tell you… I want a lollipop. I feel like I NEED one.
- There’s an invisible alien in our yard. Every morning he robs a bank, and every night he goes to space and robs a bank full of stars.
- If you have a big house, you NEED a chocolate chip cupboard.
- I don’t like ants because they bite me and I can’t bite them back.
- Can we re-name Dad “Chip”?
- (annoyed) “I drew myself in this picture and I STILL didn’t turn into a cartoon.
- “Do some worlds have nice suns and you don’t have to put on sunscreen?
- Is water gas for humans?
- MMMM!!! That was SO yummy I… got angry.
- If we make the world a better place, will the bank robbers give all the money back?
- Let’s catch that grasshopper and put it in a glass. It can be our centerpiece.
- (after being told we need to make the beds) “But we already HAVE beds! We don’t need to MAKE them!”
- How does a turnip turn?
- When Daddy had long hair, was he a girl?
- (after being asked to close the door) “Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?”
- Oh I know. They call him Harold because he has hair.
- Where IS Waldo? This is getting ridiculous.
- What do you do when it’s “in the meantime” in your house?
- (singing) …with a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of… pork.
- All I want for Christmas is a big coffee mug.
- Turn that music off. It’s driving me nuts.
- My quiet farts mean I love you and my loud farts mean I don’t.
- Did you get us at a baby shop?
- (motioning to his bare feet) “But I already HAVE shoes on. See? They’re skin colored.”
- There is something in this box that starts with the letter “candy”.
- Don’t talk to any human you don’t know.
- I wish I was nocturnal.
- Why do I have eyelashes? I’m a BOY.
- “Here,” (handing me air) “give these dog foods to the parrots. They’ll think it’s a castle.”
- Why do people want babies and put them in bellies?
- (after putting on my chapstick) “I wanted to be pretty like you! Pretty!”
- I wonder what the moon is made of? (thoughtful pause) It’s made of the moon. I know that.
- I’m getting a shade-burn!!!
- (gleefully, while peeing) I can wave it back and forth!! Like a HOSE!!!
- Once upon a time a farmer planted a pull-up & it grew into a pull-up tree. Then he picked a pull-up & realized it wasn’t edible. THE END
- This banana tastes like rain.
- (while playing blocks w/ Rob) “Hey! My tower is the most unique… because it falls down.”
- Someone put too much salt in this ocean.
- (after hurting his foot) Mommy, I need a pillow to scream into.
- (after missing the toilet a bit) Quick! We need to get a sign that says “Wet Floor”!!
- Yes, I wiped my butt… it didn’t go well.
- I’m out of control! …. I like out of control.
- I love my butt to be naked.
- (after I asked him why he wanted to look in the mirror) “Because I’m GORGEOUS!”
- What are people made of?
- I want a big, big, big boat with a kitchen, lots of beds, and umm umm umm…. a play area.
- (drinking lemonade) It’s a bit on the sour side. I’ll drink the other side.”
You are so blessed.
Hilarious, brilliant and amazing. Nana will love these. We are ALL so blessed.