Feral Boy

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Associated Press Release

Scientists around the world are baffled by the seemingly overnight transformation of a sweet, happy, angelic, amiable toddler to a demanding, grouchy, hysterical, selfish volcano of ear-piercing screams.  This occurred shortly after his second birthday.

Authorities warn anyone coming into contact with this volatile creature to exercise extreme caution.   The causes of his excessive mood swings are under investigation, but so far seem to follow no logic or pattern.  The shrieking has been recorded at decibels  higher than any other human sound ever produced.  Prolonged exposure to these screams will result in brain damage.  The length of these events were previously thought to have been impossible for humans, while still maintaining a functioning metabolic system.   DO NOT, under any circumstances, look the animal in the eye while he is in this dangerous state.  Do not speak to him.  Do not touch him.  Back away slowly and leave the room.

Recent studies have shown that placing a bowl of food or cup of water near his door many reduce violent tendencies and shorten outbursts.  Training programs and Post Traumatic Stress Counseling have begun for his sister and her parents.

4 responses to “Feral Boy”

  1. Kristen

    That was hysterical!! I’m sorry to hear you’ve hit a rough patch. Looking forward to seeing you all in Long Island!

  2. Mom

    At least you are maintaining your sense of humor…at least long enough to put pencil to paper…or fingertips to keyboard! As my Mom used to say, this too shall pass.

  3. Amber

    Oh no! Well, I just posted about Davis becoming less of a monster, so I can now say with some confidence, that these things are just a phase and that Graham will turn sweet again soon. Want to try and get together Tuesday?

  4. Eliza

    sooo funny!!!

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