why you should never let your child come to my house:

I may accidentally poison them.

Let me preface this by saying that Violet is potty trained. She doesn’t even need to be reminded anymore. The reason she is potty trained is because of her deep and unending love of chocolate. Every time she goes #2 she gets a tiny piece. Worked instantly.  (And yet, when does the bribery stop?  I envision her coming home from high school saying, “Mommy, I pooped on the potty!  Give me chocolate please!”)

Yesterday Violet had a friend from school over who is not quite potty trained yet. So when she took some time out to successfully use the facilities, I gave him a piece of chocolate too. They continued to play for an hour or so before he went home and everyone took naps.

Now here is how I mentally arrived at my horrible realization: “Isn’t it nice that Violet has made so many friends at school. And I like Hibiki’s mom. It’s great to have mom friends who don’t freak out when the kids share lunch. And I think she appreciated it when Violet shared her chocolate with him. I’m glad I didn’t have to double check with her about every little bite because he may have an allergy. Oh, wait. He does have a peanut allergy. She just told me that.  DEAR GOD THERE WAS A PEANUT IN THAT CHOCOLATE!!”

Now peanut allergies are one of those things that can lead to a tiny rash around the mouth, or full anaphylaxis and death.  And just a whiff of peanut powder can do it for some kids. So I frantically call his mom. No answer. Email. No answer. Seven hours pass and I continue to call, leaving increasingly panicked and messages. I have visions of her driving home, looking back at the car seat and seeing her son puffed up and unconscious. I imagine having to leave town because I am The Mother Who Gives Peanuts to Allergic Children. Rob is already trying to find a lawyer.

Finally Masako answers the phone, “Hi Cheris, did I forget something?”

“Is Hibiki okay?” I ask shrilly.

“Yes, why?” After I tearfully explaining what happened, she laughed. “Oh no, he just had a little reaction about a year ago. I don’t think one peanut will do anything.  You thought he was in the hospital all this time?  Hahahah…” Yeah.

Now Violet requests that I continuously perform the “Hibiki is Okay” dance.

Still.  The what ifs…

3 responses to “why you should never let your child come to my house:”

  1. leah

    you have us laughing out loud lady! glad he is okay. oh, i miss you lady!

  2. Andy

    As long as you promise not to put Drano in Jack’s milk, I think we’ll be okay.

  3. Rob Jackson

    Since I don’t have a flickr account I’ll say here that I love how grumpy Graham looks in the picnic picture.

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